A Little Bit of Introspection
My computer may have downloaded it last dodgy video and it’s led me think how I got here.
Four years ago I didn’t have a PC, five years previous to that I didn’t have a console and seven years before that I was homeless.~
That is a word that I don’t use lightly, the homeless issue we have is in the UK is massive and it’s so easy to look down on people that suffer misfortune, but it’s a trap that is so easy to fall into and soooo hard to get out of.
When I found meself in this position I was abroad, living in a foreign country. Whether I like to admit it or not I was suffering from mental health issues, a few months before I had self harmed pretty bad and there’s only so much of that that your partner can take if you don’t talk about it (for the record I didn’t tell her anything about my issues, mainly because I didn’t know what they were but even if I did if was anathema to me to vocalise)
We broke up, it was amicable, but I tried to front it out. We had a one bedroom flat and I moved out (I was slack with paying for rent etc), but I had no where to go. 100% I could have stayed where I was but for some reason I thought it was best I go.
The first night was the easiest because I thought that something would change in the morning, I didn’t realise the situation I was in. I slept on a park bench for a few hours, had a walk round, read me book, and joined me friends later in the pub. I didn’t have enough to get a hotel but I had enough for a couple nights in the pub, that was my mind process. At the beginning when I was in this situation I thought that something would happen that would drag me out of this funk
I found a bush that I could sleep in, it was massive and to this day, if it’s still there, I could still sleep in it but I can sleep anywhere. I got lucky and had friends that helped me out, I stayed in a spare room for a week and then got even more luckier and got involved with a woman who saved me and hurt me in equal measure.
The years have passed and now I have a job I can stand that pays decent wages but I still won’t forget that time. I sit here typing this on a computer that needs an upgrade that will cost me yet I am privileged cos I have a roof over me head and people that care for me that would offer help without question.
The only thing I can take out of my 40 years is that I got here. Nothing more, nothing less. Life is different for everyone.
The M.O Podcast 